It's 12:49am and Jay was supposed to be home at 11pm.  I'm starting to wonder where the hell he's at.  This is not like him at all.  His job has had a bad habit lately of loading him down with runs right before they know he's go to go home, then expecting him to do them all before he leaves.  I hope to hell he didn't sign up for an over nighter.  That would piss me smooth the fuck off!  Probably off some where bonin the chick that works with him LOL!  He usualy would have at least swung by the house by now to let me know that he was working late.  Something.  This is really weird.  Hell the man won't even AGREE to work ANY days without asking me first.  Hmmm.  Not sure if I should be worried or what the hell is going on.

     He got his 2nd paycheck today.  A whole whopping $80.  I think it's boloney.  He brought in well over $100 all 3 days that he worked last week.  He's supposed to get 40%, yet he gets $80.  Sounds to me like someone is jackin him around a big.  Ass holes.  Pisses me off that I have never been able to trust Jay to tell me the truth about..well...anything really.  He's most famous for lying to me about money.  I seen his check stub so I know how much he got paid.  But it just doesn't sound right.  I'm wanting to move back to Moberly where I can get paid upwards of $12 an hour, BEFORE the shift differential, and the years experiance bonus.  Plus they have a $500 sign on bonus according to a friend of mine.  Probably get it after your initial 90 days but who gives a rat?  That would make one NICE payday huh?  I have to have a job as well as him (as much as he hates that) because the man lies to me so much that half the bills won't get paid and I won't find out about it until I go to turn on the lights and the bitches are shut off.  That's how bad he's got it.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I'm so confused. 

     I got friends in Moberly that got my back kwim?  Not in like a physical sort of way, but they are always there for me no matter what.  I've been thru so much shit the past year and a half.  With having a baby and going thru ppd and all that.  It was a rough year last year.  I hope this one turns out better for the most part.  There are houses in Moberly that sell on a rent to own basis.  That would be so nice for us kwim?  We can never get a loan for a house, yes our credit is THAT bad, so this would def be the way to go.  We could fix it up and make it ours.  Sounds kinda gay but when you have a husband that is constantly sellin everything you work hard to accumulate, you always feel like you're starting over.  Every day I feel I have to start over.  Gets soo old.  I think taking pride in a house that's ours would be good for this "issue" of his.  He has asked me to get him counceling but hell that would be as bad as sending an alcoholic in denial to AA meetings.  He is not ready to accept help for his ways.  It would just be a big fat waste of money...and I'm really starting to get pissed that he's not home yet.  GRRR!