So I had a rough night last night.  I was online until around 3.  Well then I decided I needed to make my grocery list.  So that stretched it into 4am.  Then I went and layed down and tossed and turned until 5:30 when I decided that it was basicaly a lost cause!  I am just incredibly stressed out this time of month...every month!  I am always worried that we won't have enough to pay our bills.  This month should be a piece of cake, what with me working now.  In fact I even have a paycheck coming on Friday.  So WHY am I so stressed out over this?  I have no idea!  I've been asking myself that question since 4am!

     I need to be on some kind of anxiety medicine.  Of that I am certain!  I am so tired of not being able to sleep at night due to my worrying.  I'm exhausting myself with it!  It's honostly getting to where it interfiers (however it's spelt) in my daily life.  I can't concentrate at work because I'm much to concerned worring about everything else.  I have no social life to speak of.  I guess that's fairly common when you've got really young kids at home though.  The social life comes after your kids are old enough to have developed a life of their own.  Then as parents we are allowed to re enter the social scene!  My social life right now consists of parenting websites and Yahoo messenger.  Lame I know!  I can't seem to break away from it!  I need to start my own business on the net!  Someone can pay me to surf.  I could live with that or off of that!

     I have been up, like I said, most of the night.  Going over and over our bills.  Right now I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I mean my job is screwing me out of $1.50 an hour and so I'm not making any where NEAR where I should be.  I think it's sick!  They can't expect people to pay their bills and clothe their kids off of what they are paying us!  So barely after a month I'm in the job market yet again.  I have to find something that is going to pay better.  Or at the very least, give me more hours!  On top of every thing else I have got to get my income up there to our tax bracket or we'll not qualify for our earned income tax credit this year!  Which would really suck!

     So anyway, back to bills!  We have rent, car payment, utilities (which thanks to my sil living with us are damn near double what they were last month!), furniture payment, computer payment, w&d payment, cable bill, cell phone bill.  And that's about it I think.  Alex needs a haircut.  I need a haircut.  I promised myself I was getting my nails done out of this paycheck!  They are driving me bonkers!  I ripped a hole in the only pair of jeans I got left so I need a new pair.  We have a ton of stuff we need from walmart, household supplies and such.  Toilet paper, detergent, softner, shampoo and conditioner, and lots of other basics.  Not to mention ciggs and gas for the month or until I find another job at least!  So like I said...I'm stressin' big time!  I've got to bust my rump this week to find another job!  I know it's not a wise thing to quite one job when you don't have another one on hold but damn I was just fed up!  I'm not good at holding in my irritableness.  When I'm pissed, I'm pissed! And basicaly that was all she wrote! ( I know you feelin me Jada )

     Basicaly it's going to come down to pickin and choosin what we can and can't live without.  Damn I hate those times!  I'm not loosing my furniture.  We've already put too much money into it.  Some things are a given to get paid..like the rent and utilities, car payment and such.  Even cable and cell phone are a given, since we don't have a home phone.  So that leaves the W&D and the computer.  One or both of these are going to have to go bye bye until I land another job.  I can always haul my butt to the library to use the net...although I HATE doing that.  If I have to I will.  We have a disgusting laundry mat right here in town that we can use.  It costs an arm and a leg and we hardly ever have the money to wash clothes when we NEED to wash them.  Let alone not getting our bed sheets and stuff washed on a regular basis like they should be.  I really just detest the whole idea of going to the laundry mat.  But if it comes down the w&d or paying the utility bill then I guess we really can't use one without the other.  I mean if we don't have electric than we can't use our w&d...so we'd be stuck.  A mamas gotta do what a mamas gotta do.  Some decisions are just a bitch to make ya know! I hate being poor and living paycheck to paycheck!  For once I would like to make a deposit in our account that actually stays there longer than 24 hrs max!  Or just make a deposit in the kids savings that doesn't get withdrew within a week.  It's so damn frustrating!

     Well bloggers, sorry to lay my problems on ya so thick.  I know it'll all work out eventually.  It's just the waiting that is so worrisome.  I can't seem to stop.  I need to just ram my head into a wall and knock myself out for a few hours so I won't think about it so much! LOL!  Keep me in your prayers this week!