I am so unbelievable tired of being broke all the time!  I mean I really can't stand it!  I just got this job which is great, but (there is always a but), it's all the way in Hannibal.  Which under normal circumstances would be fine.  Being that  it's the end of the month however, where am I supposed to get gas to get back and forth?  I didn't think about that when they called the other night and told me when they wanted me to start.  If I would have, I could have easily told them that I wanted to be on a different start week.  So now, I have to call them Monday and tell them that I can't start next week due to some emergency or somthing.  I can't very well tell them I just don't have the gas or they'll think this will be a every week thing.  This really sucks!  Now it will be the 2nd week of Nov before I get a check.

 

     We ordered some checks a couple weeks ago.  Maybe we'll get lucky and those will be in very shortly!  Then we could at least get a payday loan to get us by until the first of the month!  We're supposed to be picking Alex up tomorrow but we don't have any gas.  I mean ANY gas whatsoever.  I think Jay said we have enough to get to the gas station...maybe.  It's that bad.  This happens every single damn month, and I'm so tired of it.  It really drives me nuts to listen to others bitch that this bill or that bill is overdue by a couple days.  Shit, we have bills that haven't ever, and will never be paid.  Simply because we can't afford it.  Our electric bill this month was almost $400!  Thanks for Jays sister living with us and racking it up!  Our water bill was almost $150.  I mean it's just ridiculous.  We can't afford to pay that AND rent!  And now our landlord wants to be a dick and raise our rent by $50 damn dollars!  WHAT?!

 

     We got a letter from the Social Security board today.  Seems they are going to take $186 out of Jays check this month unless we can make it to Moberly and cancel is part B Medicare before the 2nd!  That's just excellent.  Everyone and their damn grandma wants a cut of his check this month.  How are we supposed to live?  I mean, we've got bills to pay!  It's bad enough we have to move now that our landlord is pulling this shit!  We done promised my gma that we would pay her back the $117 we owe her next Friday as well.  THEN looking thru our bank statement online today, I noticed that we are $37.00 in the hole!  So I called them and they said that apparently I forgot to write down our check order...damn it!  So they informed me that after 6 days in the red we would be charged $6 a day for every OVER DRAFT item we have.  Which is 3!  That is a lot of money.  She said that since Jay is on DD they wouldn't close the account, but when his checks get deposited it will auto take out almost $100!!!  Good LORD!  We can't afford all of this shit this month! 

 

     I am entirely too stressed out this week!  I need a relaxing day at the spa! LOL!  I wish!  Not that, that would work anyway.  I have severe anxiety and I worry about everything.  The only time I have't worried about money is when Jay and I have been seperated.  Basicaly that's because, I did my thing and he did his.  We both had our own funds.  If he went broke that was his problem, as long as my girl was taken care of.  Which I always made sure of.  I always had funds and never worried about too much.  I was actually able to relax and breathe.  Sometimes living here, I feel like I can't breathe.  I almost feel like I'm being suffocated!  Honostly, this stress and anxiety has got to let up or I'm gonna go nuts!  If we can just make it thru the next couple months without filing for bankruptcy I'll be very happy lol!  I need pills!!