Well, I'm not really sure where to go from here.  I gather that we'll have to leave here by the 3rd of December.  What a way to spend x-mas.  With no home to go to, and no family to go to.  No family that wants us for some reason or other.  I have yet to figure out exactly what it is I've done to make my family disown me the way they have.  As far as I know I haven't done anything to warrant all of this hostility from virtualy every member of my family.  My grandma, asked us to move in with her to help her with her move.  Well, now that her move is done, I guess she's decided that she no longer has a need for us to be here.  She has started conspiring for ways to get us to leave.  I fell like we've been played.  Like we were good enough while she needed us, and now that she no longer needs us we're of no use.  We've served our purpose in other words.  Kind of irritating.  She put up the $30 for our application fee for these apartments basicaly as a guilt buy off.  She doesn't ever want it to be said that she owes us anything.  I feel bought and sold; used and recycled.  She is always asking me what's wrong, but everytime I try to answer her honostly she cuts me off with some long explanatio about how she's not to blame for my anxiety or stress.  I just don't understand her.  Family is supposed to be behind you, no matter what. 

      I've always thought Jays family was strange.  Hell, at least they support each other as much as possible.  We haven't seen them in over a month so we have no idea what's going on with them.  Whether or not they are moving or staying.  If they move I would love to have their house!  It's beautiful!  Maybe we'll go visit them tomorrow or Friday when Alex is out of school.  I'm not looking forward to seeing his sister (Bitch!) but I guess that's just something I'll have to tolerate.  woman drives me nuts with her constant pity parties.  Guess she's lonely! LOL! 

     Anywho, kids are doing great.  Alex is excited for xmas.  Not sure she'll get much, just like every year anymore.  But never the less she's excited.  We have familyu pics next week!  Will be Lelands first xmas family pic.  Actually it will be all of ours first in many, MANY, years.  Something like 4 yrs I think!  Jayson is getting anxious to go for a ride!  Not sure where we're going but he's wanting to go some where!  Silly boy!!  Wish I had my internet access back!  Dang it all!! LOL!!  Get so bored without it sometimes.  When I get frustrated and need to vent, all I can do is write it down!  Frustrating!  Not to mention the writers cramp! 

     As if I don't have enough stressing me out, now Jayson has to start his shit!  He like transforms into an A#1 ass hole if he doesn't get a cigg at every 20 min interval.  I'm really starting to get fed up with all the bullshit drama.  Jay told me the other day that my gma brought something up about me leaving him again.  I swear those two have the strangest damn convos!  Sometimes I think if he's not carefull and check this attitude of his I very well may leave him again.  I don't deal well with stress and by God he sure adds enough of that to my life!!  Being a mother is drama and stressfull enough, I don't ne3ed a man, any man, bringing more into it!  Ever since I quit smoking it seems he's become more obsessive about his habit.  That or maybe it just seems more of a nuisance to me.  I've started to notice how much he stinks! LOL!!  I think the smoke just makes him smell bad!

     I've started to take comfort in keeping a journal again.  I used to keep journals as a teen.  Kinda grew up and got out of the habit.  Then I started blogging.  And it's been an excellent stress reliever.  If I need to vent, I blog it!! LOL!!  Sure it's available to the general publics review, but that's ok!  I find that sometimes constructive critical views into my life are supportive.  I've been given different view points, support & love by my readers.  When I'm angry my readers are angry for me.  When I'm celebrating, my readers are celebrating with me!  It's humbling to know that a decision I make in my life, or a circumstance I'm going thru could potential give someone else the answer they are looking for.  So in closing, THANK YOU to my readers for just reading my, sometimes VERY long, blogs and especially to the ones who leave me well meaning comments!  XOXOXOX!!